Methane. They Call it Smelly.

At first, it all seemed like a little harmless gallows humor. For once, the penguins were the ones who needed a little cheering up. Nunzio and Theo didn’t understand what the tuxedos were chattering about at first, but when they calmed down, they explained something about several preserves losing electricity. (“Yeah, tell us about it,” the bears thought. Their butts had been sitting on ever-warming floors for years. “Ever heard of a brownout, penguins?”) And then that incident at a posh restaurant in Rio de Janeiro where a penguin dish showed up on the menu. And it wasn’t a fish dish for penguins, either. So they all thought of a little diversion to take their minds off their troubles.

But, as always, once Nunzio got involved, things went horribly awry.

It all started when some think tank decided carbon dioxide had gotten a bad rap. Something or other about stupid scientists thinking it was pollution and the think tank knowing better, it was really the basis for all life. Then one of the penguins thought of doing the same for methane. “They call it smelly. We call it fun with flatulence!” (Okay, so what if methane supposedly has no smell? It always comes with something so stinky, you want to throw yourself off a cliff.)

Well, it was fine when they just lit penguin farts. Thing is, those little birds had such dainty little farts. Wouldn’t even singe a piece of paper. Then the bears tried it. What in the name of God did Fallifurton Foods put in those Sish Sticks®?

Nunzio’s nose still hurt with a white hot pain he couldn’t begin to describe. The penguins had broken into the first aid kit and bandaged him up as well as they could. He didn’t bother telling them they had bandaged his mouth shut. His nose hurt so much he could barely think.

Remarkably, Theo’s butt had emerged unscathed. The penguins seemed fascinated by this.

If they moved fast, they could push some Sish Stick crates into the corner and cover up the damage. Otherwise, Nunzio would have to explain to his grumpy caretakers how a corner of Fallifurton Foods refrigerated storage facility had mysteriously caught fire.